Audiences today have the manners of monkeys.

There. I said it. For a long time, I've been trying to write gently teasing items in my humor column about the parents who go to their children's events - concerts, plays, graduation exercises - and behave like they're at a Dodger game, after about ten beers. 

Now I'm taking the gloves off.

I'm tired of trying to hear a performance while the adults behind me talk because their child isn't currently on stage. I'm tired of the small child who keeps talking next to me because their parent doesn't shush them. I'm tired of the screams of the parents, yelling their kid's name, whistling, using airhorns, and all right in my ears.

I've been to two of Marcus' performances in the past month, his choir and his band. At every event, EVERY EVENT, the people behind me were talking. Not even whispering, but talking, in a normal tone of voice. At the choir concert, a small child was coughing, too, behind my friend, Sylvia. And by coughing, I mean parting Sylvia's hair in the back from the force.

There's only I can say to these people: SHUT UP! (And teach your child to cover her mouth!)

The school orchestra has a new addition to their grading policy this year, called respecting others. While one group is playing, everyone else must sit quietly and listen. The kids aren't crazy about having their grades based on this policy, but I'm in love with it.

Maybe the next generation will be a little more polite.