*published April 13, 2006
Depending upon your viewpoint, Vegas is either so unique or so odd that it defies description. What other town tempts you with slot machines in every building? Every business seems to have “and Casino” tacked on after the name. I wouldn’t be surprised to see, “Walmart and Casino”, “McDonald’s Hamburgers and Casino” or even “Las Vegas Medical Center and Casino.”
I don’t know how the people who work in Las Vegas stay sane. After a day of listening to the constant ringing of slot machines, looking at bright carpets and flashing lights and breathing in second-hand cigarette smoke, I longed for a quiet room. After a week, the room needed padding, too, along with restraints.
Much of Vegas is wasted on me, since I don’t like to gamble. If I want to spend that much money, I want to be carrying little bags of things to show for it. My girlfriend chided me with that comment as she sat at the blackjack table one night.
“Look, I can buy a lot more things,” she said proudly as she showed me her tower of chips.
Later in the evening, she was not looking as joyful. “Oh,” I said, pointing to the much smaller pile on the table. “Not as many things to buy now.”
She laughed a little, but only a very little. About as little as the amount of chips she still had.
Everyone who goes Vegas says the same thing: “If everyone won, there wouldn’t be any casinos.” So they’re all aware that the odds are against them. And yet every one of them believes that the laws of mathematics will step aside for them. Somebody wins sometimes, they reason. Why can’t it be me?
It can’t be me because I’m not a ‘lucky’ person. I don’t win contests or raffles or drawings. I’m usually the 12th caller when the radio station is looking for caller 13. I was once included in a drawing at the local mall in my hometown. There were 10 people who got to pick a prize when their number was called. What number was I? Tenth, meaning I got to “choose” the cheap spice rack that no one else wanted. What chance do I have against a big city that is renowned for parting a man from his money?
I did manage to see a couple of shows, and eat some nice food while I was there. Penn & Teller were delightfully macabre, and Harvey Fierstein was fabulous in Hairspray. Still, I was happy to hit the road on Monday morning and head back to my little house and family.
After all, I’m raising a teenage boy – if that’s not gambling, I don’t know what is.