*published Sept. 1, 2005
For example, I think the request to put some sodas in the refrigerator includes all of the sodas. Apparently, it only means the soft drinks that my son, Marcus, likes, and my Diet Cokes can remain in room-temperature purgatory.
And doesn't the phrase, "put your clothes in the hamper", sound like the clothes should not go on top of the hamper? Not to Marcus, or my husband, Dale.
My miscommunication with Marcus achieved new heights recently, when I took him to see his dermatologist. Like a lot of pre-teenagers, he is battling acne, so he's been in Dr. Alexander Miller's capable hands. Our visit began with the doctor asking my son how he's been keeping up with his regimen.
"So, are you taking your pills every day?" Dr. Miller asked.
"Yes, twice a day," Marcus replied confidently.
"And how are you doing with the cream?"
Marcus shrugged his shoulders and said, "Hmm, not that often."
My mouth fell open. The doctor gave him instructions to use it every day, I thought. Every day I reminded him to use it. What the heck was he thinking?
Before I could say anything, Dr. Miller smiled and said, "You're not in any trouble here. How many times a week do you think you use the cream?"
"Maybe twice a week," Marcus admitted.
"Twice a week?" I asked incredulously.
The good doctor was still trying to smooth things over. "Usually when people say they use the cream twice a week, they probably use it once a week, but that's okay."
Marcus nodded, happy to have found a sympathetic ear. Before they could truly join forces against me, I interrupted.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute," I stammered to the doctor, then turned to Marcus.
"Marcus, every night, when I asked you, 'Did you put stuff on your face?' and you said, 'yes', what were you actually doing?"
He gave me the Deer in the Headlights look, but Dr. Miller came to his rescue. "Well, 'stuff' is a little vague, Mom," the doctor said.
My son shot me a victorious smirk, but I wasn't giving up.
"So, Marcus, what did you think I meant by putting 'stuff' on your face? Have you been rubbing, say, bologna on your face every night?"
Dr. Miller thought it was funny, but Marcus looked mortified at my sarcasm.
Before he went to bed that night, I asked, "Did you apply the cream prescribed by Dr. Miller to your face?"
Marcus frowned at me, so I added, "And lay off the luncheon meats."
I hope I was specific enough.